The Spielberg Challenge

GOOD MORROW EVERYONE! Ha! Bet you didn’t think (or didn’t want to think) I’d keep it going. Well I won’t. You win, internet… for the last time!

BOX OFFICE RESULTS!

1. Captain America // Cowboys & Aliens (gwuh…?)
2. Harry Potter // The Smurfs
3. Cowboys & Aliens // Captain America
4. The Smurfs // Harry Potter vs. Mechagodzilla
5. Crazy, Stupid, Love

Yes indeed, I was 1 for 5, but in a good way. Out of NOWHERE, Cowboys & Aliens took home the prize this weekend, raking in less than $1m more than #2 The Smurfs. I’m pleased that the Lindelof-penned comic book adaptation did better than the world’s stupidest gimmick [citation needed], and I’m also pleased that I picked the correct comedy to round out the top 5. I did mention last week that I saw this route coming, but I did nothing to stop it. Nothing at all. Take that, Hollywood!

There's very little reason for me NOT to hate Hollywood.

Speaking of things that Hollywood just sits back and takes, a list (not unlike the ones I create here on occasion) is floating around the Interverse(TM), that’s supposedly Steven Spielberg’s list of movies everyone should see. This, if true, means that Spielberg has finally joined the ranks of Scorsese, Tarantino, and myself in creating lists of movies that people should see.

The list is a paltry 206 movies long, and most of them are pretty damn great. Really. I mean, it’s hard to argue with an award-winning director who’s watched a ton of classic film and taught workshops at NYU. I mean, you can, Tarantino most certainly did, but in general this is a solid list. The rumor is, that Spielberg compiled this list and hands it to anyone who wants to work with him and they have to go about seeing the ones they haven’t yet seen in order to be hired. This seems pretty much like a lie, and what seems more reasonable is that this is a criteria list from one of his director’s workshops. Even still, it’s fun to look at things and gossip, isn’t it? How many have you seen, Jan? Oh? Only 12? What a slut you are, Jan. Honestly.

Seriously, Jan. Why do you even try?

Here’s the list (courtesy a link from SlashFilm, originally from GoIntoTheStory) with the title, then the director:

1. 12 Angry Men          Sidney Lumet

2. 2001 : A Space Odyssey         Stanley Kubrick

3. 400 Blows          Francios Truffaut

4. 8 1/2          Federico Fellini

5. Adam’s Rib                 George Cukor

6. Alfie                         Lewis Gilbert

7. Al Capone                 Richard Wilson

8. All About Eve                 Joseph Mankiewicz

9. All That Jazz                 Bob Fosse

10. An American In Paris         Vincent Minnelli

11. And Justice For All         Norman Jewison

12. Annie Hall                 Woody Allen

13. Apartment, The                    Billy Wilder

14. Apocalypse Now        Francis Coppola

15. All The Presidents Men         Alan Pakula

16. Baby Doll                 Elia Kazan

17. Bang The Drum Slowly         John Hancock

18. Barefoot In The Park         Gene Saks

19. Battleship Potemkin         Sergei Eisenstein

20. Belle De Jour                 Luis Bunuel

21. Best Years Of Our Lives       William Wyler

22. Big Sleep, The         Howard Hawks

23. Bicycle Thief                Vittorio de Sica

24. Big Chill, The                 Lawrence Kasdan

25. Birds, The                 Alfred Hitchcock

26. Body Heat                 Lawrence Kasdan

27. Bonnie & Clyde         Arthur Penn

28. Breakfast At Tiffany’s         Blake Edwards

29. Breathless                 Jean Luc Goddard

30. Bridge On The River Kwai         David Lean

31. Brief Encounter         David Lean

32. Bringing Up Baby         Howard Hawks

33. Bullitt                         Peter Yates

34. Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid       George Roy Hill

35. Cape Fear                 J. Lee Thompson

36. Casablanca                 Michael Curtiz

37. Celebration, The          Thomas Vinterberg

38. Champ, The                 Franco Zeffirelli

39. Charade                 Stanley Donen

40. Chase, The                 Arthur Penn

41. Children Of Paradise                  Marcel Came

42. Chinatown                 Roman Polanski

43. Citizen Kane                 Orson Welles

44. Clockwork Orange        Stanley Kubrick

45. Close Encounters Of The Third Kind        Steven Spielberg

46. Come Back Little Sheba         Daniel Mann

47. Cool Hand Luke         Stuart Rosenberg

48. Conversation, The         Francis Coppola

49. Day The Earth Earth Stood Still         Robert Wise

50. Days Of Wine & Roses         Blake Edwards

51. Deer Hunter, The         Michael Cimino

52. Dog Day Afternoon         Sidney Lumet

53. Double Indemnity         Billy Wilder

54. Doctor Zhivago         David Lean

55. East of Eden                 Elia Kazan

56. Exorcist,The                 William Friedkin

57. Face In The Crowd         Elia Kazan

58. Five Easy Pieces         Bob Rafelson

59. Fly, The                 David Cronenberg

60. French Connection        William Friedkin

61. French Connection 2        John Frankenheimer

62. From Here To Eternity         Fred Zinneman

63. Fugitive Kind, The         Sidney Lumet

64. Gaslight                 George Cukor

65. General, The                 Buster Keaton

66. Gentleman’s Agreement        Elia Kazan

67. Giant                         George Stevens

68. Gone With The Wind         Victor Fleming

69. Grand Illusion         Jean Renoir

70. Great Escape, The         John Sturges

71. Godfather, The        Francis Coppola

72. Godfather II, The          Francis Coppola

73. Godfather III, The          Francis Coppola

74. Graduate, The         Mike Nichols

75. Grapes Of Wrath         John Ford

76. Great Santini, The         Lewis John Carlino

77. Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner        Stanley Kramer

78. Guns Of Navaronne         J. Lee Thompson

79. Heiress, The                 William Wyler

80. High Noon                 Fred Zinneman

81. Hud                         Martin Ritt

82. Hunter, The                 Buzz Kulik

83. Hustler, The                 Robert Rossen

84. His Girl Friday         Howard Hawks

85. Holiday                 George Cukor

86. I Confess                    Alfred Hitchcock

87. Immigrant, The         Charlie Chaplin

88. In A Lonely Place       Nicolas Ray

89. In The Heat Of The Night         Norman Jewison

90. Indiscretion Of An American Wife        Vittorio de Sica

91. It Happened One Night         Frank Capra

92. It’s A Wonderful Life         Frank Capra

93. Judgement At Nuremberg         Stanley Kramer

94. Julius Caesar                    Joseph Mankiewicz

95. Kramer vs. Kramer         Robert Benton

96. Last Detail, The         Hal Ashby

97. Last Picture Show        Peter Bogdanovich

98. Last Tango In Paris         Bernardo Bertolucci

99. Lawrence Of Arabia         David Lean

100. Little Foxes, The         William Wyler

101. Lolita                 Stanley Kubrick

102. Lonelyhearts         Vincent J. Donahue

103. Long Day’s Journey   Sidney Lumet

104. Long Hot Summer      Martin Ritt

105. Lost In America         Albert Brooks

106. Lost Weekend          Billy Wilder

107. Love Story         Arthur Hiller

108. M                 Fritz Lang

109. Magnificent  Ambersons    Orson Welles

110. Magnificent Seven     John Sturges

111. Man Who Shot Liberty Valance    John Ford

112. Manchurian Candidate     John Frankenheimer

113. Marathon Man           John Schlesinger

114. Marty                 Delbert Mann

115. Mean Streets           Martin Scorsese

116. Men, The          Fred Zinneman

117. Metropolis          Fritz Lang

118. Midnight Cowboy         John Schlesinger

119. Miracle At Morgan’s Creek     Preston Sturges

120. Misfits, The         John Huston

121. Mississippi Burning     Alan Parker

122. Missouri Breaks        Arthur Penn

123. Modern Romance       Albert Brooks

124. Modern Times         Charlie Chaplin

125. Mr. Smith Goes To Washington  Frank Capra

126. Mutiny On The Bounty             Frank Lloyd

127. My Fair Lady        George Cukor

128. Nashville            Robert Altman

129. National Velvet           Clarence Brown

130. Network                 Sidney  Lumet

131. North By Northwest    Alfred Hitchcock

132. Notorious         Alfred Hitchcock

133. No Way To Treat A Lady    Jack Smight

134. Odd Couple, The        Gene Saks

135. On the Waterfront       Elia Kazan

136. One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest     Milos Foreman

137. One-Eyed Jacks         Marlon Brando

138. Ordinary People         Robert Redford

139. Panic In Needle Park     Jerry Schatzberg

140. Papillion                 Franklin Schaffner

141. Party, The         Blake Edwards

142. Parallax View        Alan Pakula

143. Patton                 Franklin Schaffner

144. Pawnbroker, The         Sidney Lumet

145. Philadelphia Story      Georqe Cukor

146. Public Enemy, The     William Wellman

147.Psycho                 Alfred Hitchcock

148. Quiet Man, The         John Ford

149. Raging Bull         Martin Scorsese

150. Rain People, The        Francis Coppola

151. Raintree County         Edward Dmytryk

152. Ramblin’ Rose         Martha Coolidge

153. Real Life                 Albert Brooks

154. Rear Window        Alfred Hitchcock

155. Rebel Without A Cause   Nicholas Ray

156. Red River         Howard Hawks

157. Reflections In A Golden Eye       John Huston

158.Requiem for a Heavyweight        Ralph Nelson

159. Rosemary’s Baby      Roman Polanski

160. Runaway Train         Andrei Konchalovsky

161. Safety Last      Harold Lloyd

162. Sand Pebbles          Robert Wise

163. Saturday Night Fever           John Badham

164. Sayonara           Joshua Logan

165. Scarecrow           Jerry Schatzberg

166. Scarface                 Brian De Palma

167. Scent Of A Woman     Martin Brest

168. Searchers, The         John Ford

169. Serpico                 Sidney Lumet

170. Seven Samurai         Akira Kurosawa

171. Seventh Seal          Ingmar Bergman

172. Signal Seven           Rob Nilsson

173. Singin’ In the Rain      Stanley Donen

174. Smiles of a Summer Night         Ingmar Bergman

175. Soldier In The Rain    Ralph Nelson

176. Some Like It Hot         Billy Wilder

177. Sound Of Music        Robert Wise

178. Splendor In The Grass      Elia Kazan

179. Stagecoach                John Ford

180. Star Is Born          William Wellman

181. Star Wars                George Lucas

182. Streetcar Named Desire        Elia Kazan

183. Suddenly Last Summer     Joseph Mankiewicz

184. Sullivan’s Travels      Preston Sturges

185. Sunset Boulevard        Billy Wilder

186. Sweet Bird of Youth    Richard Brooks

187. Taxi Driver         Martin Scorsese

188. Teahouse of the August Moon     Daniel Mann

189. Tender Mercies      Bruce Beresford

190. Third Man, The         Carol Reed

191. Three Days Of The Condor    Sidney Pollack

192. To Kill A Mockingbird     Robert Mulligan

193. Tootsie         Sidney Pollack

194. Tree Grows in In Brooklyn      Elia Kazan

195. Trip To Bountiful, A     Peter Masterson

196. Two Rode Together    John Ford

197. Verdict, The         Sidney Lumet

198. Vertigo                 Alfred Hitchcock

199. Viva Zapata      Elia Kazan

200. Wait Until Dark      Terence Young

201. West Side Story      Jerome Robbins

202. White Christmas      Michael Curtiz

203. Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf      Mike Nichols

204. Wild One, The      Laszlo Benedek

205. Wild River           Elia Kazan

206. Young Lions,  The      Edward Dmytryk

 Honestly, looking at the list I thought, “man, I’ve seen most of these. Good for me!” And then I went back and counted, and came up with a lousy 72. Ugh. For comparison’s sake, that’s 35%, or 10% less than Germain Lussier’s 92 seen over at SlashFilm. How did you do? If it’s more than 72, you totally win this round.

Anyway, if nothing else it gives you something to do while we all wait for my wife to go into labor. I know it’ll keep me busy.

Some of these have to be on streaming, right?

So Close, Yet So America

Well folks, our country may be on the verge of defaulting on our national credit, a heat wave has left our nation in tatters, and Boehner’s skin-tone has gone from gamboge to tangerine, indicating that the nation’s threat level has gone up several degrees. Yes, things would be looking rather grim if not for a little fellow we like to call CAPTAIN AMERICA, who has impossibly taken down the boy who lived at the box office this past weekend.

Here he's at threat level "persimmon"

RESULTS!

1. Harry Potter // Cap’n ‘merica
2. Captain America // Harry Potter
3. No Strings At- I mean, Friends With Benefits
4. Transformers 3
5. Horrible Bosses

Bah! I was so damn close this time, too! TO BE FAIR, I did predict that Captain America would rake in “$60m or something”, which is strikingly close to the $65m it actually brought in. It beat Harry Potter by about $18m, which means that everyone either A) saw Harry Potter last weekend, or B) saw it during the week. Everything else was pretty predictable, and Marvel gets a nice self-esteem boost after so many of their comic book movies have been bombing lately. Plus, you know, Captain America is a character that’s actually going to be in their Avengers movie, so, this was a pretty big deal for them.

I’ve been slowly getting back into movies, as you well know, which means I finally took the time to watch Aronofsky’s latest film, The Black Swan. While I could certainly do a whole review on it, I feel the statute of limitations has passed on this one, and everyone who wanted to see it probably already has and doesn’t need me yelling at them about how it is and stuff.

AT ITS HEART, BLACK SWAN IS A COMMENTARY ON OBSESSION AND THE PERCEPTION OF... hello? still there?

So, while I won’t do a full review, I will say that it’s pretty damn good, and about on par with The Wrestler. That’s not to say that they’re very similar movies, because they really aren’t. The Wrestler was a very straightforward character study steeped in realism and depressing life lessons. It was very good, and I think I gave it an A- way back in the day. The Black Swan, on the other hand, is an ultra-artistic retelling of a classic fable for modern times. Really, he couldn’t made a more different movie from The Wrestler, here, directorial trademarks notwithstanding. And, much like I thought would happen, Aronofksy’s has stuck with his recent trend of not being so damn amateurish when it comes to filmmaking. Pi and Requiem For A Dream, as ballsy as they were, took a number of unfounded risks in many directions, and smacked of someone just throwing everything they had at the screen to see what would stick. Thankfully he’s broken out of this trend for the most part, and we’re now seeing compelling and coherent storylines presented in reasonable fashions. My only real problem with Swan was that it unfortunately slips a bit back into Darren’s old habits, and at more than one point is just a bit over-the-top. If you haven’t seen it, though, really make an effort to (unless, you know, you’re sensible sensibilities are easily offended). Also, see The Red Shoes. It’s probably the best film regarding ballet ever made. Probably.

Really, it's quite good.

Also, now that my wife is like, full term, in terms (hah, pun) of pregnancy, it’s as good as a time as any to mention that when she goes into labor, I will have very little to do. I’ve thought a great deal about this; about sitting in a small room for up to 18hrs within nothing to do and I came to the conclusion that it’s gonna be pretty dang easy for me to blog about it. I figure I can knock out like, five or so blogs in that time. SO, JUST SO YOU KNOW, if she decides to take action and go into labor, my usual Monday-Wednesday-Friday schedule might have to be a little altered for the occasion. Look forward to it.

Eventually my child will have a blog. It will not be more popular than mine.

J.F. Bierlein Ruined This Post

Really sorry guys, I had a whole blog post planned with pictures and everything but I’ll have to do that tomorrow or at the very latest Wednesday because I am late for things. LATE! I know, though, I still have my responsibilities and I never miss a beat (like the kids on the street), so, here we go:

BOX OFFICE RESULTS!

1. Harry Potter
2. Ice Age
3. Transformers
4. Bruno
5. The Proposal

Well, although HP did beat Transformer’s midnight numbers, it only managed to net in $158m over the five day span, which is still respectable but not quite what I was hoping for. Well, neither was the movie itself in that respect. And why the hell is “The Proposal” still in the top 5? Jesus. Anyway, yeah, “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince”: C+.

OK, I’ll have to continue this post tomorrow or Wednesday, because seriously, dude, I’m totally late.

Indiana Jones and the Martian Men of Neptune

Well, what we had this weekend was a good ‘ol fashion, genuine tie, folks. Looks like enough of you heeded my call and went to go see movies that weren’t “Transformers” to bring the Michael Bay disaster piece to somewhat humbler grounds. Well, it wasn’t technically a tie, I guess, because a mere 430k separated “Transformers” from “Ice Age”, but between the #1 and #2 spots, that’s virtually impossible and I’m calling it a tie. And, while it may have, by my definition, tied for first (with “Ice Age”), it certainly didn’t come away unscathed, grossing only 1/5th of last week’s earnings. I’ll take my small victories where I can.

1. Transformers (1)
2. Ice Age 3 (2)
3. Public Enemies (3)
4. The Proposal (4)
5. The Hangover (5)

And what’s this? Did I not actually totally predict this exact order on Friday? Weird! That’s actually the first time in the history of this blog that I have been dead-on, and as a result, I have won the coveted “BOX OFFICE TROPHY”. Thank you, thank you all so much.

Hard work seldom pays off in this fashion.

I guess the word on the street is that Harrison Ford is all about still being Indiana Jones in the 5th movie, which rumor now has it that it will start shooting early next year and be released as a 2011 blockbuster. Combine this with the earlier rumors that Spielberg has come up with the story for the 5th installment (making Lucas’ involvement minimal), and one gets the impression that they’re trying in some fucked up way to redeem themselves for IJ4. Of course this is not even remotely possible, and while people will flock to see it (the same way they did with “Transformers”), not many I predict will go into it thinking that there might be a shred of decent film amongst the wreckage. That said, I look forward to seeing what the hell plot they’re gonna go with this time. The board’s pretty wide open, and we could end up seeing anything from time machines, to mecha-penguins, to those evil mega-ants I was talking about on Friday. If I were Spielberg, I would just hold a sweepstakes to see who could come up with the best story submission. Many would enter, but no one would win.

Likes this, but with not as cool a prize.

Thankfully, the sequel in a great series in the tradition of Indiana Jones comes out for the PS3 this fall. If you haven’t checked out the trailer for “Uncharted 2”, then where the hell have you been?

See you guys Wednesday, with, maybe a movie review? Who knows.

Predictability Principle

Well, turns out that sometimes I do know what I’m talking about, and my box office predictions were pretty spot-on (save for a $600k difference between “Up” and “My Sister’s Keeper”).

1. The Jazz Singer Transformers 2: The Revengening
2. The Proposal
3. The Hangover
4. Up
5. My Sister’s Keeper

And indeed, “Transformers” grossed over $100m this week ($108.9m to be exact, and a ridiculous total opening gross of $201m), even with the scathing Metacritic average of 36%, and the even more realistic Rotten Tomatoes average of 20%. Needless to say, Transformers, no one likes you! Go away! Even Ebert describes the experience as “unbearable” (which he–of course–nicely contradicts in the same sentence by saying it had a few enjoyable moments), so I mean, really. I do have to correct myself from Friday’s post in that I didn’t read an article right, and I guess the “redneck stereotypes” actually turned out to be “black stereotypes” (complete with gold teeth and hip-hop lingo) in a move that pushes it from ignorance to good ‘ol fashioned racism. Ah, Michael Bay, is there nothing that will stop you from making the most offensive movies ever made?

Michael Bay (pictured above) presumably high-fiving God after blowing $200 million on coke and sunglasses.

“My Sister’s Keeper” (a drama starring Cameron Diaz ala “In Her Shoes”, or, say… “What Happens in Vegas”?) placed a noble 5th opening with $12 or so million, which is nothing if not lucky considering the market into which it was opening. Of course that’s about all the money this movie will make considering that next week we have a new drama to replace it (“Public Enemies”), and the real show-stopper, “Ice Age 3”. Now, the “Ice Age” series may be fucking stupid, but I can’t help wanting it to steal the #1 spot away from “Transformers” only a week after its debut.

I did happen to see two limited-release movies over the weekend though up in Highland Park. One was “Moon”, a sci-fi set on a lunar base in which Sam Rockwell is in charge of mining mysterious lunar materials that will save Earth’s energy crisis. It was director Duncan Jones’ first movie, and sadly this becomes pretty apparent when you notice the awkwardness of his pacing and editing. So yeah, “Moon” borrows heavily from “Space Odyssey” and also tries to delve into the over-stimulated themes of what it means to be sane and what it means to be human. He succeeds to an extent, but ends up falling flat in a lot of areas. I also saw Woody’s new “Whatever Works”, which was, you know, pretty much what I thought it’d be. Without Larry David it would’ve been pretty hard to watch, and sadly the long standing tradition of poor Woody comedies since “Small Time Crooks” continues to hold fast.

Actually probably the best running gag in the movie, if'n ya see it.

Also, apparently the Japanese manga creator of the original “Oldboy” story is suing “Show East” (production company of the original Korean “Oldboy”) to stop development of Steven Spielberg and Will Smith’s upcoming abomination of an adaptation of the original manga. This would be great news if Spielberg actually cared, and apparently production is continuing anyway, despite the gods’ best attempt at thwarting his diabolical plan.

Man, you’d think with as much as I hate movies I wouldn’t talk about them so much. Hm. Anyway, see you guys Wednesday.

The 10 Minute Post

As today’s title quite cleverly implies, I have a very limited amount of time with which to write this post. I am not going to get into the specifics for confidentiality’s sake, but suffice it to say that there’s a lot brewing.

BOX OFFICE RESULTS, with my INSPIRED guesses in parenthesis:

1. The Hangover (1)
2. Up (2)
3. The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (3)
4. Night at the Museum 2 (5)
5. Land of the Lost (4)

Wow! Almost nailed that one, if it weren’t for a mere $700k difference between Museum and Land. It’s okay, though, because I’m pretty sure they’re the same movie anyway.

Next week looks to be a lot more interesting because actual titles are coming out, including yet ANOTHER summer blockbuster comedy about pre-history (of course I’m referring to “Year One”), and at long last the Ryan Reynolds/Sandra Bullock romance comedy about wacky Canadians. It’s actually the first “date” movie to come out in a while, so I’m sure it’ll do better than anyone wants it to do.

It's actually much funnier in this context.

So, again, sorry for the short (and rather late) post, but I’ll try to make up for it by having a movie review for Wednesday’s. We’re cool, right?