To My Friend Who is About to Watch LOST

I’m sorry. Really, I am.

Sorry, I should clarify, I’m not apologizing to you. This is a self-apology, as I swore I would never encourage anyone to watch this show again, even after all these years.

ONE: Every Man for Himself (The apology)

During its initial run and shortly thereafter, it was so natural and easy to recommend something that so profoundly affected me. Why wouldn’t I want to share that experience with any and everyone? As more and more of any/everyone didn’t get the same experience that I did out of it, I shortened that recommendation list to just close friends. Still, with very very very few exceptions, the outcome was still the same. At this point, I made a conscious decision to stop recommending it entirely. The debates, disillusionment, and unending defense eventually became more effort than it was worth.

It’s not untrue to say that fans of LOST are such a fringe community that we don’t talk about it openly in public. To that end, it’s probably not unfair to compare LOST fans to the early followers of Jesus. Should you accidentally happen upon one, there is a rush of excitement, followed by whispered talking for fear that the Romans might overhear (this is probably not the first religious analogy I’ll use in this correspondence; sorry).

Whenever someone expresses interest in starting the show, I hesitantly only respond, “the show isn’t for everyone,” and this is a rather large understatement. As I will outline later, the show is divisive on a level that’s hard to put into perspective. I would love nothing more than for someone to get the same experience that I and so many others did out of it, but setting this expectation is far beyond realistic.

TWO: Numbers (Historical context)

LOST debuted in 2004 during the broadcast networks’ (primarily FOX and ABC) foray into replicating the success spearheaded by cable triumphs like The Sopranos and Six Feet Under. While HBO had relatively little to lose in venturing into the hour-long drama (as it was a paid-for subscription which didn’t rely on commercial sponsorship), broadcast networks up until this point were mired in the easy success of reality programming, game shows, and multi-cam sitcoms. To attempt to woo the public over across demographics was an extremely risky move, but, it paid off. An onslaught of relatively solid programming was launched by the networks including LOST, House MD, Desperate Housewives, Heroes, 24, Rescue Me, and Battlestar Galactica. In the following years, the networks would double-down on this type of programming utilizing this model that’s still prevalent today.

Initially, LOST was quite critically acclaimed, winning multiple awards and setting TV rating records for the first two seasons. It was around the third season where the blockbuster numbers started to fall. Without creating a mini-essay on this, in short, while the show itself didn’t change, the viewership did. Those who were fans of the show for the same reasons I was continued to watch loyally throughout the series’ run, while those who were only attracted to certain aspects of the show switched their focus to other shows.

So… what does that really mean?

LOST is a show comprised of many elements that are attractive to a wide array of viewers. It is, at its heart, a character study with a large ensemble cast. The natural focus is on these characters, their histories, how they change and interact with other characters. However, it is also a sci-fi/suspense. It is a show of questions and answers. There are literally hundreds of questions the show raises that typically get answered as new questions emerge. These funnel into just a handful of series-arc storylines which are only fully resolved by the end of the series. Aside from this, much like a book series, each season has its own set of arcs that are resolved season-to-season, but add to the overall storyline.

Needless to say, a show of this magnitude being held to the limitations and scheduling of network television, in retrospect, is barely comprehensible. They did end up making it work, however, being able to watch it without interruptions is naturally the way to watch a show that is written the way it was.

The show isn’t for everyone.

THREE: Exodus (Common criticisms, misconceptions, and my thoughts in their regard)

As mentioned before, I’ve found it very difficult to engage in conversation about the show with people who have very strong opinions on why they dislike it. If you watch the first two seasons and find it’s not your cup of tea, so to speak, then this is an absolutely valid reason for not continuing to watch. The character development and storytelling will not change after this, so if you’ve gone that far, and it’s not for you, it’s not for you.

There are, however, some common debates and what I would call misconceptions that are especially frustrating:

1. The show does not answer any questions: This is demonstrably false. By the series end, all raised questions (no matter how small or large) are answered (with a slight exception of one minor scene in which the audience is left to assume the answer). I feel that what’s more likely the case, here, is that certain people are either a) not satisfied with the answers, or b) not patient enough to find out the answers.
2. The writers make it up as they go along: Also completely untrue, but, I understand that line of thinking. The show is quite complex, and they throw a lot at you all the time. Traditionally, with stories like this, and especially ones that air on network television have a tendency to do this to appease the audience or the the network itself. This is simply not the case with LOST. The several main series arcs were developed and completed during pre-production of season one by JJ Abrams, Damon Lindelof, and Carlton Cuse. These arcs follow this story faithfully until the series end. It is worth mentioning that while JJ Abrams produced the show, and directed the first two episodes, he had no further involvement beyond assisting in creating some of the overall narrative. It’s interesting to note, sometimes, that JJ Abrams gets credited for the “good” aspects of the show, and Damon Lindelof gets blame for the “bad” ones. As the main creators described the show’s progression and their deal with the network, to paraphrase, they had a deal with ABC to tell a set story in a fixed amount of episodes. They compared it as a trip from New York to LA. While the roadmap is planned, they will often take detours to landmarks that they didn’t think about when they initially planned the journey. That is to say, there are some side stories and characters they add that weren’t originally conceptualized, but it’s purposeful. Additionally, the full outline of each season was completed during production of the prior season, without regard to fan reaction. This is important as it shows the creators did not simply change aspects of the show or add/remove characters based on network/public pressure; they had a story to tell and they told it.
3. The ending was bad: this is perhaps the most divisive argument that arose from the conclusion of the series. Truthfully, I don’t know anyone personally that enjoyed the show from beginning to end only to be disappointed with the ending. I think, similar to an earlier point, casual watchers were expecting something else, but it’s a bit hard to believe considering the final season and ending was in line completely with the rest of the show. More frustrating, I think, was that there were a lot of viewers who watched the first season or two, then came back just to see the finale. You wouldn’t do this with a book or movie, so, I don’t really feel a need to argue this one further.
4. Fans of the show take it too seriously: I mean, they’re not entirely incorrect. I think that detractors of the show tend to view LOST fans as sort of “holier-than-thou,” which I would argue is unfair. I don’t think that liking this show points to you being superior to people who don’t, though it is an intellectual show with a deep mythology at its core. I would argue, much like any fan of any show would, that it is an important show to its fans, but accusing fans of the show for thinking they’re superior to non-fans speaks more to the accuser than the one being accused.

I do think it’s important to understand that there are these strong opinions about the show before watching it, if for no other reason than to highlight how different LOST is from most other television series.

FOUR: Through the Looking Glass (This is my favorite show)

So, what’s left to say? I’m sorry, again, that I’m encouraging you to watch this show. As I’ve eluded to before, it is almost a religious thing, for me, and I do take it very personally. While I have some absolute favorite episodes, in my opinion, there aren’t any that are really less than great (which seems like a bold thing to admit). I have a habit of getting very defensive about this show because it is so close to my heart, and has affected me on many profound levels. While I love TV and movies (as you know), there isn’t really anything out there that I think has compared to my experience with this. I would only ask that you be respectful of that.

EPILOGUE: The Cost of Living (Hopes & Expectations)

So, if you are to seriously start watching this show, I would please ask that you respect a few simple guidelines that I strongly believe would maximize your experience:

1. The first three episodes should be watched back-to-back. While the show only lists the first two episodes as “the Pilot,” it’s really the first three. This is a bit of a commitment, but, obligatory.
2. Do not watch an episode during which there’s a possibility of being distracted. Every episode, in my opinion, should be watched as if it were a movie. Cell phones off, no walking out of the theater, etc. There are a great many small details that can too easily go unnoticed if you walk away even for a minute.
3. Avoid spoilers at all costs:
   • Do not tell anyone else you’re watching the show. It’s been out long enough where something can and will be easily spoiled.
   • Do not look for anything LOST-related on the internet. Same rule as above.
   • If streaming, do not read the descriptions of the episodes you haven’t seen. Some services are better about this than others, but ABC had a wonderful habit during the show’s initial run where they would surprise you with commercials for what was coming up in the show and they’d ultimately spoil things; Netflix descriptions are not unlike this.
   • This is a suspense show, so, if you’re into spoilers, I guess… what’s the point of watching this? A wonderful thing about the show is not knowing what’s about to happen. So, eliminating that aspect sort of nullifies a big part of the entertainment value. If someone spoils something for you, let me know who it is and I’ll take care of them.
4. We should attempt to discuss each episode (or series of episodes) individually. If you’re reading this, then you know I’ve made a commitment to watch alongside in this endeavor, and each episode has enough content to where we can discuss them one at a time.

So, my friend (who is about to watch LOST), thank you, namaste, and good luck.

Locke’d Out Again

Mornin’ fellas.

Just noticed that I had a gen-u-ine comment on one of my posts from last November. Apparently in my quest to make my blog as unnavigable and humorless as possible, I posted an image I found on Google Image Search that somehow related to something I was talking about (possibly it had a clever caption). I got this comment like, this month, on a post I did last November. Man, if that doesn’t tell you how popular my internationally successful blog is getting then nothing will. Sorry, dude! Thanks for letting me ride your sweet-ass picture train to internet fame, though.

I bet it was every bit as clever as this.

In related news, my life (as I’ve realized many a time over the past six years) is entirely consumed by LOST. I’m realizing it more and more lately, though, as the series has less than one week to exist in a new and fresh form. Many have relayed their condolences to me and my fellow LOST friends over the course of the past few weeks, as though we were watching someone die of a terminal illness. Like Jesus. Like if we were watching Jesus die from a terminal illness. To those people I’d like to say: um, thanks, but like, you know, everything comes to an end, and we’re all rather happy that LOST is doing it in the way they’ve always promised and intended to (like Jesus?) Secondly, if you’ve never really liked LOST and stuff that’s totally cool; it’s not for everyone. But if you’ve decided not to watch the entire series and are going to, instead, just watch the finale just to see how it ends, then you might want to stay a considerable distance away from me, because I tend to have no patience for people who flip to the last page of the book, read an out-of-context paragraph, and then declare an opinion on the entire book. Same goes for LOST, and, really, anything that a lot of people tend to show a large amount of interest in.

Especially if, you know, it contains tons of spoilers.

That all being said, I’m extremely anxious for the final episode. I plan on celebrating proper after it airs by (almost) immediately flying out to Boise with a friend and spending the week reflecting on the series in remembrance. Upon our return, we will spend an additional week in remembrance, but, you know, in Chicago this time. I bet you have a lot of questions: am I invited? How exactly are we going to celebrate? How the hell can I afford all that “celebrating”? Good news! The answer is yes to all of the above. Congratulations! Man, it’s like every time you come to my blog you totally fucking win. Nicely done, sir.

What if everything that happened here, happened for a reason?

I’ve gotten about 2 hours done on my new mega music mix, which I haven’t even begun to think of a title for yet (though chances are that if I were to now it’d be something like “Coincidence for Fate” or “Oceanic” or something like that for obvious reasons). It’s pretty good so far, though, with new artist additions like David Bowie, The Doors, and Tom Petty. Not convinced yet? What if I were to tell you that it’s totally like, free? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Well, I mean, there’s shipping and handling… but, that’s expected, right? Fine, I’ll throw in some Buddy Holly, but that’s my final offer!

Also, to all my facebook readers, I want to apologize for hiding most of your posts on my news feed. Truth is, and it really hurts me to be so honest to those I love, that, I couldn’t begin to give the slightest of a damn about Zoo World, Cafe Press, Farmville, Mafia Wars, Pets World, or any other game in the myriad of impulse games which facebook provides. Now, I know that’s gonna be hard to hear: that your display of good will donating that orphaned duck, or palm tree, or mobster is literally being thrown straight in the trash voiding it of all the ridiculously shallow pleasantries and thoughtfulness that went into gifting it to me. And I want to make that clear, too, that while I absolutely appreciate your bizarre enthusiasm for the most basic form of time-passing that exists to mankind (yes, even more so than staring blankly at infomercials or alphabetizing your DVD collection by director, actor, and genre), I in no way want the brilliant sorrow that is associated with these games permeating my facebook profile, in any way, shape, or form. Thanks, though, and have fun with your lonely farm animals and/or jewel quests.

Want to help me with my "farm"? I promise it doesn't "totally suck".

All right, guys. If you need me I’ll be up at the caves by the fresh water.

The Variable

Sorry for the later-than-usual posting this Wednesday guys, but I’ve been up all night performing the ancient dance that is known locally as helpin’ someone move. Why was I doing this all night instead of all day? Because it’s not funny that way, and if I were doing it during the day then I would’ve been able to see the things we were taking out to the trash and not trip and fall constantly and probably not get that damn parking ticket for being parked legally on the street. At least LOST’s 100th episode is tonight, or I would just throw this Nintendo DS that I just got back after months of it being missing in that apartment straight through the window. Geez. I need coffee. And LOST.

Hotels are weird. They advertise the fuck out of weddings and tell you to call them and have your wedding done there, but then when you call they portray themselves as diffident bystanders, wondering what exactly it is that you believe a “wedding” to be, and demand to know your true intentions. This is of course preposterous, and when I then explain my true intentions they transfer me directly to a voicemail box and laugh as I wait for them to call me back. Did this happen to me directly? In a way, I mean, mostly no, but I totally know what I’m talking about and it’s not the lack of sleep. Well the joke’s on them, though. In spite of their caducity I will hold my wedding in a motel and broadcast the entire thing through some sort of interfeed right into their lobby. Then we’ll see who’s laughing! I encourage all of my engaged friends to do the same.

Also, much to my surprise, “The Glass City” (mine, not Toledo) was not named the city with the world’s best quality of living recently the management company Mercer. For the first time ever, my blog was soundly defeated by Vienna. First of all, I find it hard to believe that Vienna has so much more to offer than my blog. What’ve they got that I don’t? According to the study, excellent scores in the areas of: education, natural environment, housing, recreation, and political stability. While my blog may not have any of those, it DOES have this:

That's right, kittens climbing trees.

You’re welcome. See you Friday for the weekly box-office predictions!