Good news, everyone! Swine Flu has recently been renamed H1N1, most likely due to some sort of copyright infringement from the 1976 almost-pandemic by the same name. While this may benefit US pig ranchers, it doesn’t really do anything for Egypt, which has already ordered a mass exodus of their pig population to slaugtherhouses. I (not being a pig rancher from either country), however, will just have to wait a few years until the “swine flu” copyright runs out and I can once again plan on writing my great American novel, “Swine Flu in a Glass City”. Or start a band with that name; whichever is more popular.
Okay, box-office prediction time. Thanks to “Obsessed” and it’s tragic success, I’ll have to be a bit more careful about throwing predictions up on the board this week. No more closing my eyes and randomly pointing at the movie times section in my Friday paper. I will now have to close my eyes and point at my monitor. Here we go:
- X-Men Origins: Wolverine
- Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
- Obsessed
- The Soloist
- 17 Again
X-Men is obviously a for-sure thing, most likely grossing in upwards of 75 million, with some analysts predicting it could go as high as 90. While I want desperately for it to fail, it will be nice to show FOX that you can indeed still have a huge summer blockbuster even after their worst pirating nightmares are made reality. “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” really does look like the most foul and putrid carcass of a film since, well, I guess the last McConaughhey movie. But, it’ll still probably break 20 million and win the hearts of young couples/Charles Dickens fans everywhere.
I want to take a moment here for a special acknowledgement that my brother is leaving today for sunny Los Angeles. He will be taking an eerily similar route to what I used to get out to Boise, which I find odd and probably wrong because LA is hundreds of thousands of miles southwest of Boise, somewhere between Mexico and Hawaii, I think. He will be staying with long-time reader Jim Klopfleisch, who now goes by James, because that what LA fucking does to you, I guess. I mean, aside from rewarding your existence with dozens upon dozens of awards. “Most Erratic Hairstyling Schedule” award goes to: James Klopfleisch! Congratulations!
Really, you've earned it
As always, wedding planning is going as smooth as sailing gets, and one wonders why anyone gets stressed out enough to hire outside people specifically to take the enormous burden of planning of their hands at all. Maybe, however, it’s just that planning’s easy when you get most of your ideas from four decades of TV sitcoms. And for the record, ER wasn’t really a “sitcom”, per se, but emergency rooms are just so damned exciting sometimes.
All right, kind of runnin’ out of steam here, so, if I think of anything else I’ll just go back and edit my post later in the day. I don’t know how the post will look whenever you’re reading it, but as of posting time this blog is three sentences and a picture. Who knows how it’ll change?
PS: funny thing just happened: my dad said something like “don’t tell me what I can’t do” and I literally found myself acting like Jack and may have said something about what not pushing the button will or won’t do, which may or may not have helped the situation.
The Glass City 