Wow, thank heavens for WordPress, which apparently backs up my posts as drafts while I’m writing (like I’ve come to expect from Word and Gmail) because my Firefox just crashed after spending a half hour on this thing, and I’d be rather reluctant to write it all again. Had that been the case and I lost the whole thing, the post you would’ve seen today probably would’ve been a single sentence like, “Gone out the window” and you would’ve just had to wait ’til Monday for my predictions and results. I’d like to think I would’ve done rather well. Actually, what’s REALLY going on is that WordPress is updating their “insert image” function, and I’ve had to find creative ways to actually get pictures into this post. I hope you all appreciate it as much as its actually worth.
Anyway, as I was originally saying, it seems like movies (specifically talkies, though I really am trying my hardest not to dismiss the silent era) are all I seem to talk about here, which is nothing if not an interesting result to an experiment that I didn’t even know was taking place. Way back at my old blog, I had the luxury of posting monthly, or every-other-monthly, so I was free to talk about whatever had been stewing in my psyche for that large amount of time. Usually, though, half of the post was devoted to apologizing for not posting more often, and the other half was small talk about the Cubs or the weather. The aforementioned result would then be that when forced against my will, I can always talk about film. I will, however (at least today), try and touch upon at least one other subject. But first,
BOX OFFICE PREDICTIONS!
- Up
- Night at the Museum: First Blood Part 2
- Terminator Salvation
- Drag Me To Hell
- Star Trek
Much like I did last week with “Dance Flick”, I may be giving “Drag Me To Hell” way too much credit, but it’s the first horror film to grace the big screens since, well, “Dance Flick” I guess. It also has had the advantage of a ridiculously large marketing campaign, despite the fact that it looks like an amalgamation of all the most recent Hollywood horror flicks (“Unborn”, “Haunting in Connecticut”, “Uninvited”, etc.), or at the very least a very mainstream, big-budget take on “Evil Dead”. Still sounds better than “Angels & Demons”.
Like this, but with less awesome
IN OTHER amazing news, Dreamworks Animation has announced their full 3D movie release schedule for the next couple of years, and the list is as surprising as it is inspiring. The list contains 3 confirmed new franchises (and 1 yet to be determined original franchise), and 5 very predictable sequels. Right around in March of 2010 we have something called “How to Train Your Dragon”, about a zero-to-hero who is sent out to slay a dragon and ends up becoming friends with it. How unlikely a duo they must make! Delightful. The onslaught continues directly with “Shrek Forever After”, previously known as “Shrek Goes Fourth”; a title that quickly made them realize that no one will go see a movie if it hints that it is indeed an obvious 4th installment of Shrek. Of course, if they really wanted to be cute they could’ve spelled it “Shrek Four-ever After” and called it a day. Fuck, you wouldn’t even have to make that movie, just release it as a trailer with a cute title and charge $5. After that is Dreamworks’ rip off of “The Incredibles” entitled “Oobermind” about an aging superhero yada yada yada. Can’t wait to buy the action figures. After that, naturally (and we’re now entering summer of 2011), is the Kung Fu Panda sequel “The Kaboom of Doom”. That will come and go, leaving us with another new franchise based on a book series that’s not even released yet entitled “The Guardians”. The following is actually the descriptive excerpt from Dreamworks Animation’s press release:
“The world’s five unlikeliest heroes – Jack Frost, North (aka Santa), Bunnymund (the Easter Bunny), Tooth (the Tooth Fairy), and Sandy (the Sandman) – must band together to stop an ancient spirit called Pitch (the Boogeyman) from plunging the world into eternal darkness.”
Hahahahahaha. Anyway, after that is the Shrek spin-off “Puss-in-Boots”, which is Dreamworks way of saying “No no no, we’re still only going to make 5 Shrek films, but, we didn’t say anything about stupid side characters getting their own films.” I suppose this will open the gateway for a “Donkey” spin-off and God knows what else. We wrap up in summer of 2012 with “Madagascar 3” where they actually go on a European vacation. I swear I’m not making that up. While it’s not officially titled “Madagascar 3: European Vacation” yet, there is still plenty of time to get Chevy Chase on board to do some voice acting. And as I said earlier, the eighth film is a yet to be decided-upon original feature that is sure to be as good as–if not better than–everything just mentioned. The whole press release (if’n you’re interested) can be found by clicking here.
Where's my goddam "Flushed Away" trilogy I was promised?
Dammit, I forgot that I was supposed to talk about something other than movies today… let’s see…
There was a pretty funny report published by Cowen Research that has officially called out EA as a videogame company, going so far as to say that the company has “missed the current hardware cycle.” That’s Cowen saying in not so many words that EA has not only totally fucked up the past 3-4 years of the current gen system cycle, but that they will remain out of it for the next 5 or so years that the 360 and PS3 still have left. DAMN. That’s about the harshest criticism of a third-party developer I’ve heard since, well, I guess since 3D Realms shut down last week. Nonetheless, this is what EA gets for stepping outside of their bubble and displaying with such brazen audacity the idea that they could start publishing original titles. What ever were they thinking?
It's (not what's) in the game (that counts).
All right guys, I’ll see you Monday with the recap. Here’s hoping that I’ll lose interest in film entirely over the weekend, and that I will never talk about them ever, ever again.
The Glass City 