THE GLASS CITY NEWSGROUP PRESENTS TO YOU IN VIBRANT TECHNITONE: NEWS FROM THE GLOBE!
We begin by checking in with the tumultuous situation quickly deteriorating for our boys on the home front, our brave sons in uniform fighting the good fight against a terrible combatant whose treachery knows no bounds. Of course I am referring to the brave men (and women) featured in Hollywood’s NEW portrayal of the war, a feature that’s sure to be a hit from hep cats to cool kittens, a brand new cinema masterpiece entitled Star Trek. Fly amongst the stars as film superstar J.J. Abrams sweeps you on a killer-diller thriller, putting YOU in the captain’s chair and politely asking one-striper Kirk to hit the silk.
Go boldly where they haven't gone!
And what’s this? Why it’s America’s favorite canine chum Chanel, who celebrates her 21st birthday today. Chanel may be the world’s oldest dog, but that doesn’t stop her from painting the town with her puppies and her puppies’ puppies, as we see here the lovable mutt drinking some hard-earned bathtub gin. Watch out, Chanel, agent Ness fresh off his successful nabbing of crime great Al Capone may just have you in his unflinching sights!
Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?
And a new sensation that seems to be sweeping the nation has already most likely invaded your homestead. The kids call it “blu ray”, a technology that not even futurist J.J. Abrams can rightly understand, and it doesn’t look like it will be put to bed anytime soon. Yes, here we see that even these aged Archies, surely some of them veterans of the Great War, seem to be enjoying the fantastic fad. Professor Parsons relates from the NPD that sales of the technology are up 72 percent in the last three months alone! We can only hope that President Obama can keep his hands off it while he deals with that current crisis. Careful, Mr. President, we’re watching you, too.
But what about the industry itself? With that we check in with our good friend at The Glass City board of review for his famed box office predictions. “Why, I’m never entirely certain, as understanding the box office is like understanding a Jerry’s definition of ausschreitungen, but if I may, it should go something like this:
- Star Trek
- X-Men Origins: Wolverine
- Next Day Air
- Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
- 17 Again
I may be giving the comedy features a bit too much slack,” he jokes. Will he pull it out once again? Only time will tell.
And before we go we salute our upstanding viewers, without whom the world would be a cold and empty place indeed. Long time viewer Simon Summers celebrates his 21st birthday, and the NEWSGROUP presents to him a small token of their appreciation. While he may not be as popular as the venerable Chanel, getting along in years is none the less magnificent. Congratulations, viewer! And join us EVERY week, as we deliver to you the stories that change lives.
The festivities are boisterous
This has been NEWS FROM THE GLOBE. Enjoy your film, and as always, live with dignity.
The Glass City 